Cailan's Catastrophe
by juggernaut715
Summary: Sequal to "Cailan's Cacophony." Rated M for fun. Please review, give me some ideas


The Moon and Sea; a pub stuffed chock full of the worst witches and wizards around. It was located in the heart of Diagon Alley, on the verge of entering Knockturn. Cailan sat in the corner, nursing a muggle drink; beer. He could never truly enjoy firewhiskey, as it reminded him too much of how his father used to feed him hot coals if he messed up a spell. So, he drank the muggle stuff. It was good, too.

Across from him, totally out of place and in no way comfortable with their arranged location, was Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore. A man of many titles, but not of many low-class social circles. He had used polyjuice potion to assume the form of a middle aged man so generic everyone overlooked him, except for the man across from himself. His eyes kept flickering around the bar, looking for any potential danger. It was a habit that had saved him many times before.

"Such a dastardly place." He murmured, taking a small sip of Cornfrost, the polar opposite of Firewhiskey. It chilled his insides, keeping him alert and focused. "Truly, here and nowhere else?"

"Only here. The aurors patrol everywhere but here, where they would be thrown out for disrupting the peace." Albus quirked a blond eyebrow.

"An officer of the peace disrupting the peace?"

"The peace of dirty deals and wicked whispers." Cailan said, like it was obvious. "Try to remember, old man, that it was you who wanted to talk to me. Stalling is so unbecoming of you."

"Even though you've been in Yorn for the past several years you are up to date on the war here, in England?"

"Albus, it's 1981. Owls were enchanted three years ago to carry newspapers to whoever wanted them-of _course_ I know what's going on." A sarcastic grin graced his features, revealing sharpened teeth. Albus resisted rolling his eyes; of course, even though for all intents and purposes Cailan looked as human as the rest of them, he would leave some things unchanged. For instance, his teeth. And the yellow eyes. And the slightly pointed ears, and the colorless skin tone, and the way his shadow danced by itself. The lattermost was disturbing.

"Then you know of his defeat." Several eyes around the room flickered towards the pair, but they paid it no heed. Silently and without a wand, Cailan threw up a _Muffalatio._

"Yes, something ridiculous about a boy deflecting the killing curse?" Albus nodded, leaning back and sighing.

"The boy's name is Harry. Harry Potter."

"I gathered that much from the article. He doesn't happen to be James' son, does he?"

"He does." The half-demon groaned, throwing his head back in mock agony.

"Don't tell me. You've called me here to do something-something that involves that kid." The twinkles in Albus' eyes, even though he was polyjuiced, were still evident. "Of all the things you could call me back for, Albus-christ!" Cailan hissed, hands pressing against the table. The fingers were starting to shift into claws, a sign of his anger.

"Cailan-" He was cut off, the same moment Cailan's claws began to cut into the table.

"No, you know what, why don't I have a go at the questioning for a moment. Hmm? Tell me Albus, how is Prince doing?"

"He's fine, working at Hogwarts-_Cailan!"_ Albus growled, reaching out and grabbing one of the hands. His hand was swatted away.

"Bullshit." The index sickle-like talon pointed at the other man's nose. "I may be half monster but I do have a fully functioning skillset, Albus. I aced every single one of the classses at Hogwarts, and with good reason. Do you know what that reason is? I'm smart. And I know how to get information. Guess what information I found, half a year ago in Estonia?" He flicked his wrist and a piece of paper appeared in front of Albus. He picked it up with both hands and read it.

Silence.

"This is a list of Deatheater applicants."

"That it is. And do you know whose name is on there? One 'Severus Snape.' You wouldn't happen to know him, would you?" The paper started to shake, crumple, with Albus' irritation.

"This is not the time to discuss-"

"Discuss what? The fate of your students, Headmaster? When I left did you do anything to keep Severus from falling off his mountain? You _failed_ him. He's not _me_, Albus, he can't deal with being isolated all alone with leeches like James Potter and Sirius Black around-especially when one of them is fucking his-"

"_That's enough!"_ Albus roared, standing up, wand at the ready. The _Muffalatio_ was being pushed to its boundaries before, but it was nearly broken now. "I did _not_ fail! Severus just..." He shook the wand in his hand, on the verge of conjuring something terrifying, only barely resisting the temptation. Instead, he threw his arm back and then chucked his wand, sending it to smack against Cailan's forehead.

"Severus just needed someone to stick around for him. You didn't do that Albus. Mugwump, Chief Warlock, all those other things shouldn't get in the way of your priorities, namely being the Headmaster of the greatest magical school in Britain."

Albus sat down, still fumng, and Cailan rolled his wand back across the table. They sat, staring each other in the eyes for what seemed like eternity. The Headmaster of Hogwarts tried not to scream, and succeeded only barely. Never had someone broken his composure like this before, not even Grunenwald. Leave it to the ex-student half-demon to make him lose his cool.

The rest of the bar watched them, quietly but not so surreptitiously. All of them wanted to know who could hold such a powerful _Muffalatio _charm while shouting their head off. That, and the claws, and the wand-throwing. It was like muggle television.

"I will make a deal with you." Albus seethed through closed teeth.

"Name. Your. Terms." The half-demon bit back a remark about how Albus smelled terrible even when disguised. The claws had started to recede.

"Take up residence in a house not too far from Harry's new home. His muggle family. Make sure Voldemort does not touch him."

"Not to be a dealbreaker, but I thought he was _dead." _Albus' eyes glinted with malice.

"I believe muggle boxing would explain his situation quite well; he's down for the count, but will be up before it is over."

"I never knew you to be a follower of muggle sports."

"Only boxing. The rest are rubbish."

"How long?"

"Till he begins at Hogwarts." Cailan scoffed, looking away.

"I'm not going to stick in one place for ten bloody years."

"I'll tell Severus you're back."

"You're almost there, Albus. What about the ministry?"

"The ministry?" The half-demon leaned forward conspiratorially.

"New restrictions on half-breeds. We aren't allowed to live in muggle areas. Apparently we're too _dark._"

"I'll make an exception."

"_You'll_ make an exception?"

"I have sway in the courts. Trust me, Cailan, if I want you to stay in a house on Wisteria Walk, it will happen."

"Give me the seven feathers and we've got a deal."

Beat.

"I'm not giving you the feathers."

"Yes, you are. They are rightfully _mine."_

"Not in accordance to the Rules of Artifacts. I harvested them, thus they are mine, even if by heritage they belong to you."

"I want them."

"I'm not giving them to you..."

"Unless I do this."

"No. I still won't give them to you." Cailan grit his teeth, crossing his arms.

"The agreement hinges on those feathers, Albus."

"Watch for Harry, then become a professor at Hogwarts for his education. Each year you will receive a feather." There was a familiar twinkle in the Headmaster's eye.

"You already planned all of this, haven't you? The hissy fit with the wand, Severus."

"That is a line of questioning to be directed at the truly dead, Mr. Absalom."

"Don't call me that. Unbreakable Vow. Now."

"A witness-"

"We don't need a witness for an Unbreakable Vow." Cailan pulled up his sleeve and raked his fingers across his wrist, letting blood drip into a bowl he conjured with wandless magic. He gestured for Albus to do the same, who murmured a quiet severing charm to the palm of his hand.

The blood mixed and melded, and Cailan said a few words in Hellfire over it. Every word was accompanied by fire spouting out of his mouth, and the blood simmered with the incantation. Finally, he conjured two glasses, poured it evenly, then held one out to Albus.

"We both know the terms of our agreement, thus it is so."

"Thus...it is so." Albus said, swallowing the foul concoction. It took all hundred-something years of discipline not to puke. The glasses and bowl disappeared, and the hum of magic settling was audible in the air, even for the people outside of the _Muffalatio._ They'd all watched with a sense of wonder, and were still jawdropped when Cailan threw a hand up for a silent _Granda Oblivia._ Albus was left out, but the rest knew nothing, and would never say a thing.

"Irking to do business with you."

"Likewise."

They both went their separate ways; one to Hogwarts, and one to 7 Wisteria Walk.


End file.
